Is that a hickey?

No. I got pinched. In the neck. At mock trial.

IT'S NOT A HICKEY!!!!

Dreams...

Me: Man, I've been having the weirdest dreams lately...

Jon: Yeah. Me, too. The other day I had a dream that I was at Radio Shack, except it was more like Target because it sold shoes, and it was run by a bunch of mean lesbians.

Me: How did you know they were mean?

Jon: I just knew, y'know? Anyway, there was also a cross dresser and a 60 year old woman, and eventually they helped me, because I was in a hurry and needed to get somewhere. What was your dream?

Me: Never mind. It wasn't that weird.

What do kids have against poetry?

I like the idea of poetry.

"Mushrooms"

Snowflakes are like little mushrooms.

The Lion King...

I think Nala is HOT. I mean, really. I have a crush on her.

Satire

"IB teaches us how to use semi-colons, not condoms. For instance, we know not to use two semi-colons on top of each other."

TTTC

"I don't know what's real anymore. Maybe I'm a fish."